Thursday, 19 June 2008

• Contributing To The Delinquency Of A Minor

  TJ (my son) was discharged from the Psych Hospital on Sunday June 15th. Monday June 16th he was admitted into the Psych Hospital's "Day Program." He goes there from 8:30am to 2:30pm Monday-Friday for at least 14 business days after his discharge from the Psych Hospital. There he will be in group therapy and have a personal counselor (who happens to be the same one that worked with Samantha when Samantha was going to the "Afterschool Program" at that same facility. In the beginning TJ appeared to not be invested in the program. Now, he seems to be more receptive to the "Goals" they are having him work on here with me at home. *sighs* I hope all of this works. I hope TJ allows all of this to work for his benefit. I can't go through what I went through before with him. If it starts again I will have him placed in a residential treatment facility. When placed in such a place, God only knows when he could get out.
  
  Oh by the way, my suspicions were correct. The day that we had TJ admitted into the Psych Hospital, the day that he became violent because we said he couldn't spend the night at his best friend's house, he did plan on getting more weed from his friend. The thing I didn't suspect is that TJ was going to give his friend the money to get him some. I didn't really think about TJ buying weed. TJ's money is in a checking account where he's saving it for his future auto insurance that he's going to need, that is if he ever passes the test.
  
  I also found out that TJ's ex-best friend gets and smokes the weed with his father. I've been debating long and hard over whether or not I should call Children's Services on TJ's ex-best friend's family. I've done some horrible things as a mother myself. I allowed my children to watch me abuse drugs and alcohol many years ago (about 9 years ago). So that boy's father's sins are no worse than my own. However, I've since learned from my mistakes and I've become a better person for it. Part of me feels it's the right thing to do to call Children's Services. That boy's family needs help BADLY just as I did at one time. Hell I still need help, that's why my kids and I are in counseling and on psychiatric medications.
  
  TJ's ex-best friend and my daughter, Samantha, have a mutual friend. I spoke to this mutual friend the other day online. This mutual friend sent me a copy of a message that Tj's ex-best friend sent him. Without me even saying anything, this boy knew what I was thinking. Here's the message...
  
  ""this isn't fucking stockholm syndrom or anything this is my family and if it were not for my dad we would never be as fortunate as we are, and i dont want my family to suffer because of my stupid mistakes... like i said this isn't stockholm syndrome or anything but i love my father and he has kept my family strong dispite his habits he has never abused anyone in my family and has not done any bit of wrong atleast not wrong enough for him to go to prison...and i know if anything happens to my dad my family's fucked, im fucked, my moms fucked, my sisters fucked, and more than anyone the who has kept us together, kept bread on the table, made sure that if we wanted something he would try his best to get it for us, and made sure that we were overall just happy... if child services is called i am more willing to kill myself before i'm wiling to go into foster care.... i dont know what the fuck i'm gonna do i fucked up big time j****** i'm not letting my dad go to prison"

  The thing is it does sound kind of  like Stockholm Syndrome. I guess this boy doesn't understand that there are different types of abuse. There is physical abuse, sexual abuse, verbal abuse, psychological abuse, and neglect. Then there is "contributing to the delenquincy of a minor." If his father is giving him weed and smoking the weed with him, well guess what? The father is a criminal and would be charged with "contributing to the delenquincy of a minor" along with other possible drug charges. This kid has on his MySpace profile "My mother is a Buddhist and my father is an alcoholic so what does that make me?" For the longest time he would be so embarrassed of his father's alcoholic ways that he wouldn't want friends to come over for sleepovers to his house. In my opinion, based on what I've observed over the 5-6 years I've known him, this kid also suffers from psychological abuse by his father. Of course this boy is going to deny it. I know all too well what it's like to be the abused and to come to the defense of the abuser. I was with my children's father for 7 years... 7 long abusive years. I still struggle with issues concerning my own parents who were very abusive in their own different ways. I actually had guilty feelings for not telling my father, "Happy Father's Day" on Father's Day! My father didn't deserve a "Happy Father's Day." In so very many ways he's still the cold, distant, and angry man he was when I was small. That guilt was the little girl wanting and needing approval. So, I know all too well why the abused come to the defense of and stay with the abusers.

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