Tuesday, 16 September 2008
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34
Fuck, it's been a while since I've last posted. Where the hell do I start?
Well, it's my birthday today. I turn 34 today. Like I told my cousin Jerry... Yippy-Skippy... I'm another year older... in a way a little wiser than I was a year ago.
All in all, I had a pretty great birthday. Tom got me several movies that I've been wanting in my collection. You know the type... the kind you personally love to watch over and over again. For me that's the Indiana Jones and Lethal Weapon movies. He also got me some ammo for my gun so he and I can go shoot some paper people soon. Oh and I also got a couple more, what I like to call "Vegemons" to add to my collection. I'm a sucker for silly and quirky things and the "Homegrown" collection is right down my alley. I now have a collection of 33 I believe.
We went out to eat at Friendly's tonight. Tom and the kids kept telling the waitress that today was my birthday. I was getting so embarrassed and told them all to just shut up. By the end of our meal I hear the sound of a group of waiters and waitresses clapping their hands to sing me that silly little Happy Birthday song that all family resteraunts have. I was mortified. I'm sure my face turned 10 shades of red. There was a balloon man there ar Friendly's making balloon sculptures for the children who came into the restraunt. So to top the evening off the balloon guy made me a giant balloon flower. I was so embarrassed! The whole thing was so silly, but it made my kids laugh their asses off to see mom so flustered, so I guess it was worth it.
We picked TJ up from the "boot camp" early Saturday morning. We got up at 4am and headed out by 5am. I forget what time we actually got there... it was still very early. I was so very happy to see TJ. I gave him this big hug and didn't want to let him go. I've missed him so very much. I hope and pray that his time in the "boot camp" facility has taught him a lesson that he won't forget. I'm no fool, though. I know that for a while we are going to be in a "honeymoon" period with TJ. He's thrilled to be home, he's truely remorseful, he's truely wanting to make better choices... however, only time will tell if this is a change that will stick.
Right now he's out of meds (until tomorrow) and he's totally hard to comprehend at times. He's constantly talking, his thoughts are racing, he's having a very hard time focusing on anything, and he's having a hard time sleeping, I think right now he's in a manic state which is brought on by him finally being able to come home. He's going to see the psych doctor tomorrow and he'll be getting his meds then (Thank God!).Tom and I are doing very well. He's been going into therapy with me lately. He seems to truely understand that his communications skills have been lacking. He seems to be trying (slowly) to bring down the walls that surround him, open up some, learn to trust me more, and therefore communicate his thoughts, feelings and opinions to me and the family in a productive way. On the flip side, I've come to realize that for so very long I've been forced to be the one in charge. I've been forced to be the one who fights for the family. I've been the one forced to count on no one but herself. On top of that I'm a control freak and hate to lose. All of this tends to make me one hell of an abrasive and opinionated bitch. I've wanted Tom to step up and be the man I know he is but when he tries I tend to firguratively slap him a good one especially if I don't agree with his tactics.
It's really hard to not be a bitch... it really is. It's hard for me to not just blurt out what's on my mind, no matter who it hurts, all because I feel hearing the truth is better than hearing a bunch of feel good lies. I've seriously got to learn how to communicate in a way that I can say what I mean and mean what I say without being so abrasive, preachy, and bitchy.
What can I say... I'm a work in progress.
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